If I were to write a letter to my young adult novel’s character, Dani Truehart, it would probably sound a lot like the letter I would write to my fifteen-year-old self. Sure I was never a super-talented young woman on the brink of a high-powered singing career, but some teenage experiences are universal.
Believe in Yourself
This is something that took me years to accomplish and truth be told, I can still struggle with at times. I was very shy going into high school and I had a hard time believing in myself. Feeling confident seemed as elusive as clear skin or a 4.0 GPA. It seemed that everyone around me exuded an air of self-assurance that I could never attain. The problem was that I was spending so much time looking around me, comparing myself to others, I never gave myself a chance. As the years passed, I’ve learned to look at things from a different angle. Comparing myself to others will always result in noticing how I am different. Instead, I like to focus on what talents or abilities I have that make me different. Everyone has some benefit they bring to this world or some talent they are uniquely good at. It’s focusing on those positive aspects of myself, rather than what I lack, that has made the difference between believing in myself and not. It’s hard in the beginning, but the more you do it, the easier it gets.
Don’t Let Other People Tell You Who You Are
This one goes hand in hand with #1. If it was hard for me to believe in myself, you’d better believe it was hard to speak up for myself. I was just plain scared. Going with what my friends or family said was so much easier than speaking my mind. I didn’t want to upset anyone or be made fun of. But I ended up missing out on somethings I really wanted to do because I was too scared to speak up. I’ve realized the worst thing that can happen is someone gets upset or makes a snarky comment. And while seeing someone snicker at me or get angry isn’t fun, not being who I am or doing what I want to do because of fear, to me, feels much worse. So while it might seem easier doing things you might not agree with in order not to rock the boat, you’re missing out on life in the long run. You’re life and only you gets to decide how you are going to live it. The people who truly love you will accept your decisions in the end. And the ones who don’t? They might not be the friends you thought they were.
Take A Deep Breath & Try to the Enjoy Moment
This is a challenge, especially if you’re a “doer” like me. I always have a list of a million places to go, things to do, people to text – it’s never ending. But in all the doing and accomplishing, I sometimes realize I can’t remember what I did all day. Or, I’m so stressed making sure I keep to my schedule, trying to squeeze everything in that I’m too stressed to enjoy anything. Just taking a deep breath and being grateful for whatever you’re doing/whatever is happening at the moment can change your life. I know not every moment is going to be golden – being sick, fighting with your boyfriend – some moments truly suck. But if you can acknowledge whatever you’re going through, good or bad, you can actually get more out of those moments. There is something to be learned from everything in life – whether it’s just being grateful or being more kind, prepared or whatever the case may be. When we’re rushing around, stressed and anxious, it’s easy to miss the lesson. Nothing is permanent – good or bad times. Being mindful of whatever is happening if your life right now will make it easier to appreciate and remember the good times, and accept the bad times as temporary. Life is too short. We need to remember to stop and take a deep breath and enjoy wherever we are. Right now, inhale. And exhale. Repeat until relaxed.
There Is Only One You
No one on the planet sings, talks, hugs, cooks or listens like you. And that means everything to the people who love you. Know that you are very important to the people around you, even if they don’t always show it. Don’t ever feel like you don’t matter to someone or that what you do or say isn’t important. Very few people change the world, but everyone can change their world locally. By being there for the people around them, contributing to neighborhoods, schools and communities. And never forgetting that the world would be different without you and that all you do. Be proud, be kind and never forget how lucky you are to be you.
That’s what I’d write in my letter to Dani Truehart. I’d also include a postscript about sunscreen (use it!). All these things I wished I’d known as a teen would have made my life so much easier back them. But then I wouldn’t have as many great stories to tell about when I was young. So maybe there’s something to be said for learning things for yourself…