Last year my mom died on Thanksgiving just six weeks after one of my best friends died. One loss was horrible but two losses so close together was simply devastating. For a long time my days were dark and I wondered how I would keep going in the face of such loss.
Grief held news of the pandemic out of focus for me, almost as if it was happening outside of my world. I was aware of it but not bothered or panicked as others around me. The quarantine was actually a blessing for me, eliminating my daily commitments, narrowing my world and forcing me to spend time at home with my immediate family. My world grew quiet and I was able to sit in my grief and remember my mom and Neena. While I was overcome by loss and distress, I slowly started to notice pinpricks of light in the darkness…tiny blessings I could count.
I am grateful for my mother – she was funny, tough and quirky. She loved to decorate and loved to make any event into a celebration. She taught me a lot about loyalty when I was young and I have never forgotten that lesson. The last time we spoke was when I called her from England to tell her I had gotten a book deal. She shared my joy and we planned to celebrate together when I got home.
My friend, Neena, was a blessing who entered my life in a prenatal yoga class. We both knew we would be good friends after our first conversation. She never judged, always picked up the phone when I called and told me the unvarnished truth with a combination of sensitivity and humor. I missed her most when I found out my mom died, because I knew she would have known just what to say.
Sometimes I feel as if I’m walking around missing a part of my body. Those are the times when think,I need to call Momor That reminds me of Neena and I remember once again they aren’t here. But then I remind myself how grateful I am to have known them, for all the different ways they made my life better and my dark days lighter.
There is never enough time with the people you love. In the rush of all the obligations of life, it is easy to forget each moment every day is an opportunity to spend time with someone, to laugh, to comfort to listen. While I wish I could have had another fifty years with my mom and Neena, I feel so lucky that I had them in my life at all. Some people live a lifetime without laughing until they cry, or sharing a deep conversation with someone who truly listens or having someone help them when they feel most alone. I had that with both of them and for that and many other things I will always be grateful. Even if my time with them wasn’t for as long as I would have liked.
I am grateful for the people I have lost. I am grateful for the wonderful family and friends in my love who love me, support me and lift me up every day. I am grateful for my health. I am grateful to have achieved a life-long dream when I published my first book last month. And I am grateful every day for the opportunity to be more grateful.
Happy Thanksgiving.