As you can see from these photos of my house, I’m bordering on a Clark Griswold level of Halloween enthusiasm. So in honor of the one night of the year when the veil between the worlds of the living and the dead are the thinnest, I put together a little This or That list so you can discover how you really feel about all things Halloween.
Zombie or Ghosts
Both are Halloween icons, but if you read my last post, it’s probably not a shock you that I choose ghosts. The after-life is such a dark mystery and all the good ghosts stories play upon that uncertainty. Besides, if zombies are skulking around, there’s a high probability you can become a one – it just takes one bite. I also hate to be chased, even if it’s in a slow, shuffling way.
Note if you’re worried about a zombie apocalypse – tie people’s shoe laces together before they are buried. It will slow them down once the uprising begins.
Original Movie vs. The Remake
Whether it’s The Omen, Psycho, Amityville Horror, Dracula, Halloween, The Last House on The Left…I am a firm believer that the original is always the best version of a movie. Sure, the remake’s special effects might be fancier and modern movies shot in high-def appear much sharper on the big screen. But for this scary movie lover, hi-tech CGI effects don’t hold a candle to the gritty film quality, at times hokey scare tactics and total lack of parenting in the scripts of classic horror films. Michael Meyers was a dude in a dime store mask and a jumpsuit who never uttered a word and yet he was utterly terrifying. Plus the horror movies of yore didn’t have a complicated backstory or overly-explained plot. Take Friday the 13th for example, no one needs to explain why people keep showing up/sending their kids to this stabby-camp year after year; they just do and the mayhem ensues. Also, The Omen wouldn’t have a chance in hell of being made now in light of the helicopter parenting styles of today.
Candy Apples or Candy Corn
Neither. This might be a little controversial since fans of either sugary treat are very vocal about their preferences. I didn’t eat candy apples growing up so I have no nostalgic attachment to them. Candy corn’s cloying sweetness is far too one-note for my liking.
Evil Clowns or Axe-Wielding Masked Serial Killers
Axe-Wielding Masked Serial Killers, of course. Childhood trauma, psychological deviations, ancient curses – there are a million reasons why one might become an axe-wielding serial killer. But to willingly choose to wear a clown wig, clown make-up and a rubber nose? That is a malevolent force I will never be able to understand and it chills me to my very core.
Cursed or Damned
Cursed. With a curse, sure you might be undead, or have bad luck or change into a werewolf with every full moon, but there’s always a chance you can un-do the curse. If not, then you’re just damned and that’s an eternity of bad luck.
Frankenstein or Dracula
Dracula all the way. Ability to fly? Yes, please. Entirely liquid diet keeping me eternally trim? Sure. Sleep all day? Absolutely. Yes, I understand there’s a large amount of killing involved which can be messy, but I would definitely opt for that as opposed to a cobbled together body of stolen, used parts and a sub-par brain. Besides you could choose rats or raccoons and really help society while you’re snacking. Plus, can you imagine how tired you’d get listening to Dr. Frankenstein toot his own horn about how he made you? He didn’t even give you a proper name; he just named you after himself, the lazy quack. Besides finding a baseball hat to for that square melon of yours would be a trail in itself.
Homemade or Store Bought Costumes
I grew up with homemade costumes because my parents were crafty as hell. Their R2D2 and Mickey Mouse costumes were just two their first place winners at my school. While I am quite crafty myself, my shocking lack of sewing skills prevents me from being a truly stellar costume creator, so our son loves a store-bought costume. But in my heart, I love a homemade costume. Maybe I’ll try to learn to sew so I can make costumes for my grandchildren. Our son is only twelve so I’ve got some time (I hope).
Creepy Castle or Haunted Asylum
This is a tough one, but I think I’ll take a creepy castle. First off there are probably fewer needles than an asylum might have and definitely no shock therapy machines. But families have got that generational trauma to contend with so there’s a good chance I’ll have to dig through family history to solve whatever haunting issue I’m dealing with in the castle. But asylums usually have arts and crafts (See previous costume debate)….hmm. What I’m really hoping for is that this creepy castle has a huge library, preferably hidden behind a secret wall where I can lock myself away to read until daylight comes. That’s my deciding factor.
Investigate the Mysterious Noise or Stay Put
A hot topic in any Halloween debate for any horror movie lover. Bottom line is that you definitely have to go investigate that mysterious noise. More often than not, staying put gets you killed. If you’re locked in a room and waiting for whatever psycho killer or evil ghost to come find you, you are beverly limiting your exit strategy. Better to be proactive and go investigate what’s going on. At the very least, hopefully you’ll be closer to the front door so you can leave that scary location or maybe you just find a better place to hide. BUT, according to the horror movie rules, this only applies if 1) you have not had sex 2) you follow all the rules 3) you are completely nice to everyone all the time 4) you show respect to things like cursed houses, graveyards, restless long-dead spirits, urban legends and Ouija boards. If not, then you’re a goner whether you investigate the noise or not and you should do better in your next life.
Trick or Treat
I was the queen of pranks at one of my jobs, so I do love a good trick. But when it comes to Halloween, it’s treats for me. I love a big pillowcase full of free candy where you get a sugar high by just opening the bag and taking a whiff. Plus, I love the miniature versions of candy bars. All the tasty goodness of a full-size bar, but I’m not locked into just one bar.
Have any hot Halloween debates you feel very adamant about? Drop me a line and let me know.
Happy Haunting!🎃👻